Don’t ever confess your love via post-it note

I really wish I had learned real-life applicable lessons growing up.  Neither my parents nor school took the initiative to teach me important things like “how to negotiate salary without sounding like a douche” or “how to survive the bathroom of a frat house”.  These are things I needed to learn.  But as is life, we all must learn important lessons through trial and error.

The greatest love story of my life lasted 5 wonderful years.  I was 5 and he had just moved in down the street.  It was love at first sight (at the bus stop that is).  I was smitten.  He had an amazing collection of Beanie Babies and all the best computer games.  We’d spend hours battling typhoid and trying to save our buffalo on the Oregon Trail.  My obsession grew and grew.

Finally one day in fourth grade we started talking about crushes.  He admitted to liking Nicole Madgziak, the pretty popular girl of our grade (so typical).  I was heartbroken.  He kept bugging me to tell him who I liked.

I was so torn.  Confess my love and risk it all?  Maybe he’d love me too!  Maybe he’d share his snack pack with me at lunch!

Seeking advice, I called my best friend and told her my dilemma.  She suggested using a proven medium to convey my feelings: the post-it note.

I proceeded to lock myself in the bathroom with a pad of green post-its and a milky pen.  I wrote out in bubble letters “You”, opened the door, stuck it to the front, and slammed it shut as fast as I could.

All I heard was the sound of him running out of my house.  We haven’t spoken since.

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