Vamping with velociraptors

When you look up synomyms on Thesaurus.com (which I often do mainly because my brain is too ADHD to be able to think of the word I’m trying to think of), they usually provide example sentences for the use of the word if it can be a verb/noun/adjective/etc. So when I was typing the title for this post, I looked up flirt, and this was one of the example sentences:

He is a master of moving the dialogue along, an epicene flirt with a mustache who wears cashmere jackets and pastel socks.

I would like to find this man and marry him at once.

In other romantic news, I know it’s completely embarrassing and still not totally embraced by society, but I have an online dating account which I use occasionally as an ego boost and also in hopes of talking to interesting people who don’t wear wife beaters. You get a lot of creepy, hilarious, and scary messages, especially when dealing with a free service. I take these in stride, but I hit a new low with a recent message.

It was from a dinosaur.

I don’t mean an old guy. I mean an actual dinosaur. Not just the picture, the entire profile is that of a dinosaur.

So, there you have it. We’re even a 94% match. My dating prospects have now been whittled down to velociraptors.

Oh, and to explain the  context of the message, I have a dinosaur nightlight because I’m afraid of monsters.

Cousin lovin’

Don’t worry, I’m not writing this from West Virginia.

As I mentioned previously, I’ve started to watch Arrested Development for the first time.  Yeah, I’ve never seen it.  Not totally my fault, since I wasn’t even allowed to watch TRL in 2003.

I’m a huge Michael Cera fan and I secretly want to stalk him and make him fall in love with me since he is my ideal dorky boy.  So of course I love all of George-Michael’s storylines, particularly with Maeby (whose name I will admit may possibly have been added to my list of baby names… I mean… secret list of baby names).

I can totally relate to being in love with your cousin.  That’s  probably something I should be admitting to a mental health professional rather than the internets.

I have a lot of cousins.  Between my first cousins, their kids, and their kids’ kids, I have almost 50.  But one in particular stood out as I was growing up.

Stephen was a year older than me and a ginger.  Obviously the combination made me swoon.  Who cares if we shared DNA?  I was determined to find a way to make it work.

He was the middle child of three boys and my younger brother was the same age as his brother, so our families visited each other a lot.  Whenever we visited their house, I’d end up sleeping on the trundle bed in Steven’s room.  It’s like our parents were asking for our young love to blossom.

I remember mixing up huge glasses of strawberry milk (that stuff was amazing) and watching episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark together.  He used to make fun of the fact that I hadn’t been kissed by a boy yet (at 5, I was a late bloomer, romantically speaking).

When I was 6, Stephen’s family came up to NJ and we went into the city to see Aladdin on Ice.  Our parents let us each buy a souvenir.  I chose a Princess Jasmine costume and the boys all got swords.  When we got home, we decided to play Aladdin.  Of course I was Jasmine and the boys all fought over who had to be Aladdin.  None of them wanted to have to get all lovey dovey with me since I was their sister/cousin.  Ehren announced he would be Jafar and the rest of the boys continued to argue over who had to be the hero.

Stephen finally stepped up to the plate.  This was my moment.  The boys reenacted the fight scene as I huddled helplessly in the corner with Raja (one of my Kitty Kitty Kittens which were also awesome).  After defeating Jafar and his minions, my Aladdin finally came to my rescue.  He ran over to me, gave me his hand, and pulled me up.  I was of course expecting a romantic kiss, or at the very least, a warm embrace.  But instead, he grabbed Raja, threw her across the room, and called me a stinkhead.

And that’s why you should find love interests outside of your genetic pool.